What *is* freedom? In order to understand this, we must first understand what it is we envision ourselves to be free from. That is, what enslaves us? First I think: work, school, schedules, financial constraints, social norms… laws. That makes sense, right?

OK. So if school work enslaved me, why don’t I feel *free* now that this arduous burden has been lifted? Why do I feel more trapped than ever in my room, bored to death, when only a couple of weeks ago I would have dreamed to have nothing to do for hours and days on end? Let’s reexamine the idea of freedom.

From a religious perspective, it is that which distracts us from God. Or rather, that which tempts us to disobey the Word of God (in theistic religions, at least). From Socrates’ perspective and the pursuit of happiness, it is that which prevents us from living virtuously, which, as you may realize, is not necessarily aided by living religiously. Living virtuously, from this point of view, is to be truly happy because it is through discipline learned by struggling against and overcoming tendencies (tendencies that may develop into habits that are seen as detrimental to the mind, body, and soul) towards instant gratification, that we detach ourselves from the perpetual desire for gratification. Gratification, or comfort, is an organic goal that evolved over time and allowed species to survive. Comfort in itself, however, is not what defines humanity. That is, humans didn’t thrive because they were comfortable. If there was ever a phrase that to me defines humanity (and I’ve been trying to incorporate it more into my life) it is this: “insurmountable is nothing”. 

The most beautiful qualities of the human to me include being able to resist temptation: to analyse and draw upon experience, to foresee the future consequences of present activities, to take uncomfortable risks (trusting, sharing, confiding, fighting, giving benefit of the doubt), to push the boundaries (physical endurance, imagination and design, construction) etc. All of which require us not to do what immediately benefits us but require us to be slightly uncomfortable, to pause and think, to think long term, to slightly inconvenience ourselves… most importantly, we must endure some type of stress or suffering in the process.

It is essential that we endure some type of stress and/or suffering everyday. In my opinion, it must be self-inflicted. But I am not referring to self harm. I think that because humans evolved through pain and hardships in order to survive that we have a tendency to maintain some type of balance between stress and relief. I think self harm results when a person has so deeply developed this habit of self gratification, doesn’t at all understand how unhealthy that is for their health, and needs to sacrifice something of his or herself in order to be able to pity his or herself. So they seek sufferance, which comes in many different forms - humiliation, physical pain, mental/emotional deprivation, and other dangerous channels. The desire to seek stress through some of these channels is “dangerous”… and I think that is an apt description because I think that, conversely, we have become dangerously addicted to convenience. Our addiction to convenience is invisible but our stress levels have skyrocketed. Perhaps our stress levels are in fact a surrogate measure for our levels of comfort. The more comfortable we are, the higher our stress levels. 

The type of self-inflicted suffering I am referring to happens when you decide not to get a coffee when you wanted one, not to listen to a song that’s been stuck in your head, not to hit the snooze button, not to turn on the seat warmer in the winter, not to watch an episode of your favourite TV show instead of doing your problem set, not to leave your garbage on the floor but to try to place it where it belongs, not to eat a midnight snack, not to say anything if you have nothing nice to say, not to take the escalator instead of the stairs, not to listen to your ipod/not to play a game on your phone instead of sitting in “awkward” silence, not to take an aspirin instead of bearing hours of pain etc. etc. etc. (i.e. self discipline) Of course, all of these are contrary to what advertisements tell you to do since the purpose of technology is to make life easier for us. But truthfully, an easy life is a most unbearable life. Truthfully, once you are seduced by these misguided perceptions of happiness and can no longer see beyond them, you will never be free.

So, as an addition to this long-winded explanation, I will try to apply this to my current state of mind and why I *feel* trapped. I suppose, if I didn’t have so many channels of communication that together are used by almost all of my peer groups, that I wouldn’t feel as though I had to be around to monitor them all as messages and notifications of not so important items arrived. They’re not actually that important but because they reach me through various channels, it is understood by the parties that send them that I should read them one way or another, so it slightly inconveniences them when I don’t respond immediately. And I feel tied to their levels of inconvenience because I am a people pleaser and my greatest fear is to be hated. (#FirstWorldProblems)

Therefore, in order to achieve solitude, personal integrity, and *freedom*. I’m going to have to do that which makes me most uncomfortable: Ignore all my communication channels all day. Only then will I finally be able to do what I envisioned I could do with all of this spare time. Go outside for a very very very long and slow walk. And read Game of Thrones.